August 17, 2020
I auditioned for a Clearasil ad when I was around 11 (don’t worry, the irony isn’t lost on me). I remember preparing for the audition, making sure my skin was clean and obsessing over a tiny spot or 2 on my face. I couldn’t decide if they wanted someone with pimples and I should leave them, or if I should cover them up?
I didn’t get it in the end. Either I wasn’t a very good actor, or I wasn’t quite what they were looking for. Why am I telling this story? I feel like it was the beginning of my obsession with my skin.
I had acne quite badly when I was a teenager. I used all the toxic stuff that ‘guaranteed’ clear skin. After years of poisoning myself with chemicals, my hormones settled, and my skin calmed down. What I was left with was scars and plenty of them. My fault entirely – I was a picker, not a leaver. I just didn’t think they would leave such a legacy on my face for years to come.
As a teenager, I was also very aware of the scars on my body. I acquired a large keloid scar right in the centre of my chest when I was around 10 and when I became a teenager it became a major focal point in my life. I felt it was ugly and made me look ugly. I did everything I could to try to hide it. I would choose clothing so that it could be covered. And if I couldn’t cover it with clothing, I became very good at making or adjusting necklaces so that they would cover it.
Now that I’m almost 40, and after years of applying my Repair Face Serum, that scar has pretty much flattened and disappeared. I have another on my shoulder, more recently acquired at university, but I don’t really care too much about it. Growing older, having children, becoming more worldly-wise, has made me realise that people don’t care about scars. It doesn’t make me ugly. It’s just a part of my story.
I’ve been reflecting on my reflection lately. It’s funny, having a skincare brand, there is some internal dialogue telling me that my skin should be perfect. But is that really true? I have been told over the years that I have lovely skin and that is no surprise given the skincare I create and promote. But sometimes I look at my face in the mirror and all I see are the faults – acne scars, faint pigmentation from years of careless sun exposure and the beginning of deep lines. Why do we do that to ourselves?
Ultimately, I’m happy with my skin. It really is the best it’s ever been in my life – pimple free, acne scars and pigmentation fading, and overall glowing skin. It will never be perfect, and I certainly will never succumb to cosmetic procedures to make it so. It’s healthy, it will age well, and that’s really all that I want.
When I reflect back on that Clearasil commercial, perhaps what I should have learnt was that confidence is key. My products give me confidence that what I’m putting on my skin is not only going to make my skin as healthy as it can be, but it’s not going to do any harm to my body or the environment. This makes me feel good, and I hope it makes others feel good too.